this could haf been another peaceful week... until a very silly thing occurred today...

talk abt sincerity.. if u are sincere enough, go get the card urself la... y blame de mistake on others when u urself cant even remember? and since the mistake is committed now, y scold and kpkb? so someone shld go die for not buying a replacement card? seriously we dun appreciate these cards anyway, so u can juz tear it away anyway.. or simply, juz dun bother...

wad a way to spoil the entire wk, and a very very potential way to spoil the week(s) ahead..

talking abt ahead, which is the future, it looks rather bleak now... as reported on de news ytd, north pole may become ice-free come this summer.. we have been hearing abt global warming and its effects for lots of times, but most of these effects are forecasted for the future, so ppl cant really see de effects now and juz dun care... but this latest news may come as a surprise or shock for many as no one expected it to come so fast...

perhaps as wad my platoon mate says, the world is dying.. that's y we're experiencing all these weird climates and weird disasters... mayb soon nature would take over the world again.. we could become the new 'dinosaurs' in modern times.. time for humans to go extinct and let Earth regenerate and recover itself... there could very well be no more future, but den again, how do we noe?

i guess that's all for today.. time to finish up the whole parade thingy...

off today... duno how long nvr took off liao... but not to forget i taking another off again on fri, though is everyone need to clear de, so it's gonna be a short week..

and it happens that my parents went off to genting ytd morning, so it's quite "home alone" for these 2 days... (ok, not really home alone coz my bro is oso at home, but the feeling is there anyway)

settling own meals is quite a troublesome thing to do oso... somemore eating alone is quite boring, but hey, i ate alone during working last time rite? so it isnt really much different...

happened to see the preview of the show 'Fahrenheit 9/11' that was shown last nite at arts central, so i decided to stay up to watch abit... as usual it was michael moore's style... questioning many decisions made by the bush administration... alot of contradictions shown, especially b4 and after the 911 incident...

perhaps the saddest part of de show i feel is the part on iraq war, where many innocent died, be it the amercian soldiers or the iraqi civilans and kids... yet the war has nvr been justified at all, and so many paid wif their lives for it...

with all these events happening in recent years, i guess though it's still important to plan for the future, it's even more important to tink of now... u nvr noe wad will happen next or in the near future, so live the present to the fullest ba... do as many stuff u wan to do now, and so when u suddenly need to 'leave' one day, mayb u wont come up wif a long list of stuff titled 'stuff i should or could haf done but didnt'...

juz finished Dean Koontz third novel of the Odd Thomas series, "Brother Odd".. at the beginning, i read a particularly chim paragraph for two times b4 i start to understand wad it means... guess i'll end today's post wif it..

When we hope, we usually hope for the wrong thing.
We yearn for tomorrow and the progress that it represents. But yesterday was once tomorrow, and where was the progress in it?
Or we yearn for yesterday, for what was or what might have been. But as we are yearning, the present is becoming the past, so the past is nothing but our yearning for second chances.
As long as I remain subject to the river of time, which will be as long as I may live, there is no way back to anything.
The only way is forward, downstream. The way up is the way down, and the way back is the way forward.

nvr like parades...

ok, shall rephrase, nvr like participating in parades...

of coz on the day itself u'll feel some kind of sense of achievement, a little pride here and there, alot of relief that it's finally over, but den again, the build-up to the parades is not good at all...

standing at a particular spot, abt one metre by one metre square, for abt 50 to 60+ min is really lol... not to mention the 'good' weather of singapore, which provides free tanning!

big fat sun on u + lack of slp + disgusting looking rashes on feet + feet going totally numb
= tired, sunburnt and darker by the day, sian me

zzz...

and it isnt helped when i juz knew that czech republic crashed out of euro 2008 in such a wasted fashion..

haizzzzz.... gonna book in lor...

ok, the whole matter has concluded...

it has occurred, been judged, and settled... all within a week...

not say i prefer this punishment, but i'm de 'criminal', so i cant ask for much, rite?

had a weird weird dream last nite.. it seems so real, (although the logic is wrong), and a feeling of the heart makes it seem more real, yet it's still a dream... perhaps the dream is a signal for me to do sth abt it, a reminder of wad i shld be doing, sth i shld haf done, or shld be doing these 3 months...

yet, coward me didnt do anything again today... becoz of fear? i dunno...

i really dun wanna lose it, but i'm not helping myself for being passive...

feel really really lousy now... and it's not helped by the fact that i need leave hse now to book in...


stupid, idiot, lousy, dumb, useless, weak, COWARD weisheng..

trouble...

big trouble...

i cant remember when was de last time i got into a 'big trouble'... or mayb i nvr got into one b4...

i guess ppl who know me see me as some 'mr goody pants', or those kind of really low-profile person who will nvr dare to break the law, the rules etc etc... mayb i'm really this kind of person, one u would nvr thought that would get on the wrong side of de law...

perhaps ppl's jaws will drop when i get my sentence ba.. haha... but seriously i really really really hope that i dun get the worst punishment..

i have long list of mistakes and regrets, which were common to really really regular readers of this blog.. probably enough to fill up one A4 exercise book, but i tink this particular and latest mistake will probably by itself fill up one page of that book...

however, no matter wad, i'm still quite grateful to a couple of ppl... actually 2 person la... always read in novels abt how one person will give a squeeze to another's hand as a comforting gesture, but i nvr understand how that works, coz wont a squeeze cause pain or uncomfort? but i learnt today that it's really quite comforting, when OO squeezed my shoulder, as a comforting and encouraging gesture i believe it to be.. of coz de other person would be my csm who said 'we'll protect u'.. these 2 ppl are really encouraging to me, although my PC is not going to be on the same list... instead she merely introduced more n more rules for de platoon which simply makes our lives more difficult i feel... but the usual me would haf complain alot, but today, these rules juz seem like mere words passing through my ears... but my csm will be temporarily away and so i kinda feel a little insecure but bo bian i guess...

contradicting feelings when i reached home today... told my mother briefly abt de thing, but i was quite disappointed that she only took it as it is and didnt really appear too worried abt it... perhaps she got the feeling that i'm still able to come home today means nth much will happen... but this disappointment feeling quite contradicts with my thoughts earlier in the day.. i was thinking of being casual and normal abt stuff so that she wont get too worried abt me, and i tink i've achieved it now, but disappointment kind of comes wif it.. but i tink this is for de best, coz only i can handle this thing, and alone it is...

and talk abt troubles not coming alone... my sore throat decides to come along and it's simply a total annoyance.. and talk abt de 2 songs i've been listening to lately... it kind of complements my current downcast feeling... the click five is really good! lol...

Empty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBhzX8dTJ8s

Mary Jane http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN9tCJGlKbM

the videos kinda sux la, so juz listen to de good music can le =x


for now, i juz hope for everything to be over asap.. sentence faster, punishment faster, so i can juz get it done and over wif, instead of dragging everything and me continuing to suffer... meanwhile, i guess i shld continue to live as per normal... or mayb try to live and act normal..


long sleepless nite ah~~~

sometimes one can be really frustrated wif his/her current situation in life... been talking alot wif my platoon mates de past week, and i really mean really really alot... of coz it isnt the whole platoon ppl talking, but juz de usual 4 of us... de 4 who's said by my PC that are not yet 'Fantastic Four', as compared to our seniors who won her praise of being the 'Fantastic Four', but to say de truth de 4 of us would rather not get this title if she can dun care abt us more...

de 4 of us went out last saturday to vivo, and talked alot of stuff, at various venues oso.. first was haagen dazs, den white dog cafe, and finally corduroy cafe.. den de 3 of us (excluding cg who was on course currently) continued chatting on almost the whole fri afternoon, when we were waiting for our duty to start... talked abt lots of stuff, from last time schooling times, to girls, to relationships, to current situation of coz...

we all agreed that having a paranoid, insecure, hypocrite, (insert any description that suggests incapability) superior is tough and not at all rewarding... we dun ask for rewards, like off or wadever, we juz dun wan her to juz bust our butt, and throw the rank around, when we haf put in our best efforts for her during work... it's equal to telling us that our efforts are not recognised at all, and it's very very saddening to know this, when we always do all de shit for her..

we agreed we shld start to stand up against her, well of coz not direct impact, coz at this place hierarchy is still existent and we unfortunately is at de bottom of it... it's very very very dumb if she continues busting us and carries out all de unreasonable punishments... i tink everyone in the company noes that sth is juz not rite anymore... the company is juz becoming more and more like a junkyard, where ppl unwanted from other places are juz posted here... it's like everytime someone new comes here, it's certain that when we ask 'do u haf an excuse?' and that person will 99% say 'yea, i got excuse (insert anything u can tink of)' sometimes u will feel weird, or feel crappy, or even funny that ppl can haf special excuses... examples i haf seen from my place include excuse dust, staircase, loud noise environment etc etc..

of coz there are ppl who are genuine and really got problems and those we cant blame, but of coz there are still those who 'search' for stuff to get excuses.. one classic example is this guy from another platoon was telling me during one of de journey back that he is considering whether to get excuse and thinking of wad's de reasons he can use to get it.. sometimes u juz feel that there are juz different cultures and as wad wy say, it's only a matter of how thick of ur face can be.. if u can tahan ppl saying u chaokeng, den it will be alright for u... so wy brings up another interesting qn... "are they useless, or are we juz stupid?"


well to another thing... rhythm of life ended on fri, and the last episode was quite stunning, at least for me... as i haf seen the preview of de drama b4 the whole serial started, after thurs episode ended, i was still wondering how 1 episode can include de many scenes which havent occurred.. so many things occur juz in the last 2 episodes... but in the end, i thought mayb it will be best that junjie juz died when he went back in time de 2nd time, but it's still another happy ending drama, with junjie losing mobility of his legs but gaining de 'enlightment' that things dun haf to be real perfect to be good... but it's still the truth that when he first went back in time all the decisions he made were actually quite selfish, and so making the wrong decisions here and there, causing it to be no better than the first time de stuff happened... but in the end everything turns out right for the 3rd time and so a happily-ever-after ending again i suppose...

stand-by tml, wonder wad stunts she's gonna throw at us again... perhaps it's juz time to stand up if she still doesnt realise her 'loyal law-enforcers' haf either left or are leaving.. time for rebellion perhaps?