odd hours

it's weird that i'm here at this time of de week, but heck, this post is titled 'odd hours' anyway..

this week is the showing of the wisdom of dean koontz and the odd one.. his viewpoints and linguistic ambilities totally surpass mine and so this week shld see no space left for me..

words are plastic these days.. small loans made to desperate people at exorbitant interest rates are called payday advances.. a cheesy hotel paired with a seedy casino is called a resort.. any assemblage of frenetic images, bad music, and incoherent plot is called a major motion picture..

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most fry cooks and tire salesmen and shoe clerks never want to be famous or widely recognised.. we juz wan to get along.. we want to live quietly, avoid hurting anyone, avoid being hurt, provide for ourselves and for those we love, and have some fun along the way.. we keep the economy humming, and we fight wars when we have to, and we raise families if we get the chance..

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we are the water in the river of civilization, and those fellow citizens who desire attention, who ride the boats on the river and wave to admiring crowds along the shore...well, they interest us less than they amuse us.. we dun envy them for their prominence.. we embrace our anonymity and the quiet that comes with it..

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the given world dazzles with wonder, poetry and purpose.. the man-made world, on the other hand, is a perverse realm of ego and envy, where power-mad cynics make false idols of themselves and where the meek have no inheritance because they have gladly surrendered it to their idols in return not for lasting glory but an occasional parade, not for bread but for the promise of bread..

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grief can destroy u, or focus u.. u can decide a relationship is all for nth if it had to end in death, and you alone.. or you can realise every moment of it had more meaning than u dared to recognise at the time, so much meaning that it scared u, so u juz lived, juz took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didnt allow urself to consider the sacredness of it.. but when it's over and you're alone, u begin to see it wasnt juz a movie and a dinner together, not juz watching sunsets together, not juz washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill.. it was everything.. it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it..

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in this world of six billion souls, all acting with free will and too many with audacity, surprises are inevitable, too few of them the kind that make u smile and that lift ur heart..

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the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing
- Edmund Burke, 1795

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to do something, to do what u feel sure is right and in the aid of justice, you sometimes have to do things that, when recalled on lonely nights, make u wonder if in fact u are the good man that u like to believe u are.. such doubts are high cards in the devil's hand, and he knows how to play them well, in hope of bringing u to despair and ennui, if not to self-destruction..

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half a century goes by in what seems like a year.. dun waste an hour in boredom or wishing for tomorrow..

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my mouth continues to 'rot', with ulcers continously popping out, and oftenly simultaneously.. although i dun like to tink this way, but i sometimes wonder if it's punishment for the sins i've done.. (no, i'm not converted to christianity.. haha)