i haf been thinking and talking about many beliefs and thoughts, but very often the person who contradicts with these stuff is always me... so i often wonder y i haf these stuff, when me myself can't even do them... ppl always say to look ahead, and dun dwell in the past... but is that so easy to do? sometimes i guess it's juz not so easy to break out of the past... a few more days and it will be 1st day of school le, and the 1st day of the new life... so y still stay in the past of anderson sec? i often said that anderson sec has become a past chapter of our life story, but y now i'm still not flipping the pages forward to the next chapter? sometimes the probability of wad we hope for is 0, and the probability of us getting disappointed is 1... i was disappointed far too many times in my 16 years of life le, so i haf since learnt to prevent these disappointments from happening again... for everything, play down the chances... from the thoughts like 'hope that i can get it' or 'i will get it surely one lah' to 'i guess my chances of getting it is very slim'.... i guess although disappointment will still be there, it will cut off a lot of it ba, so whether if the thing really happens or not, i will neither be very happy, nor be very disappointed... sometimes thinking too much is quite bad, having many choices is oso bad, makes one confused, and uncertain of which is better... yesterday nite, my bro said about some nice show on monday nite, and i juz answered that that day will not be a good day, w/o going thru my brain 1st... and so my mother asked y not, and so i replied that coz it's the 1st day of sch... she den asked y is the 1st day of sch bad, then i replied becoz i haven't chose my subject combi yet... den she asked y is it so hard 2 decide for me, den i said becoz i dunno whether 2 choose chem or computing for my last one... den she said, 'chem good ah... in future can find jobs easily...' den she stopped and thought for a while, den said, 'but studying computers oso good ah... in future com spolit will know how 2 fix, and find jobs oso easy...' den i said, 'u didn't help anything at all mah... u supporting both sides leh...' den she juz said, 'den choose wad u like lor...' haizzz, i was already having troubles 2 decide which 2 choose, and she juz told me 2 choose wad i like... -_-" i guess she didn't realise that i dun really haf much interest in both of these 2 subjects, thus giving me troubles mah... den we talked about jc and poly... when she heard that i dun mind going to poly, she asked y... den i said that i dun really feel like studying more liao, if go to jc, den after NS still need go U, means more years of studying, den if go poly, after NS can go work liao... oso in poly, u get 2 do the actual stuff, meaning more of like practical than theory, while in jc, it's still like studying tons of books, and in jobs u dun sit in a room for 3hrs doing a few sheets of paper, answering the qns, doing comprehension, or doing essays... but she pointed out that some ppl who went to poly eventually felt that they wanna go U, but finds it much more difficult... den i replied that if i'm going to poly, i won't have the plan 2 go U anymore le ba... den she said, 'mayb lor, but u haven't been in that situation b4, so wad u tink now may not be wad u tink in the future...' that kind of sums up our conversation yesterday nite, kinda like 'education talk' huh? but izit true that i haven't thought far ahead yet?

wad is the true me like? seems like even me myself isn't really sure about it... sometimes it juz feels that i'm wearing the mask, but sometimes for the same things i feel that it's really wad i will do on my instincts, which is kinda my true self...

'ok, it would be a great wednesday...' that was wad i thought of when i opened my eyes this morning when i woke up at 11... it was becoz 2day my bro is out from morning till evening for his NCC 'day camp'... i still dun understand y is it called a 'camp' becoz they dun stay overnite... anyway, as i prepared 2 get up, i heard sounds, sounds of someone playing PS... but who could it be? it can't be my bro, unless he knows how 2 multiply himself... it oso can't be my parents, dun ask me y not, becoz i juz know it won't be them... and so, i went out, and saw my cousin playing -_-" and so, my plan for de day was kinda ruined... the whole day was about me playing PS wif him... game after game, from racing games (dun ask me which, coz we played a lot), metal slug, fifa, bomberman, and so on... and he finally left, at 5... and my head aches now =/ haizzz, dun really know wad 2 blog about leh... nth much happened in my life... de big news recently was the underwater earthquake which affected several countries, and it was labelled as the most serious earthquake in 40 years... wif a crack in the crust of length 1000km, and tsunamis at the speed of fighter jets, strength of about exploding 1 million atomic bombs, causing sumatra to move a distance of 30 metres, and finally not forgetting the damage it left behind and the number of deaths it caused... for these few days, we often see pictures of the families of the ppl who died, in the news or newspapers... death is part of life, it's the full-stop of life, but this little dot can cause tremendous sadness to others... it's often the ppl who's left behind who suffer more... so will u prefer to be the one who leaves? or the one who watches ur loved one leave? another qn we can ask is whether u prefer 2 die b4 or after ur husband/wife? sometimes we juz haf 2 tink if the one left behind can endure the sorrow u cause to him/her when u leave 1st, and if he/she can continue his/her life well anot? meaning w/o ur support in times of difficulties and troubles...

it was thought that it was my 2 cousins coming, but actually it was my 1 cousin coming, wif her fren... (tink is her boyfriend) anyway, they went back 2day, after staying for 2 plus days... back to me, was damn bored yesterday, and my mother suggested that i go 2 my aunt's hse, since my bro's there already... but juz dun feel like it, so went out 2 walk walk... 1st went hougang mall, de library, and i went to some not so 'popular' sections, like 'history of europe' and 'travel guides'... flipped thru the travel guides of singapore, antartica, and of coz moscow and russia... (wonder y there's travel guide for antartica? like anyone will go there for holiday like that) anyway, then flipped thru a couple of books on russian history... all the way from the period when monarchy was practised, till the ending of the soviet union... but never brought library card, so didn't borrow lor... den went bishan, 2 take back sth i lent someone... den went 2 yishun, went 2 popular of north point... there were tons of ppl, and the queues were really long... can't believe i queued up juz 2 buy a comic book... (it is slam dunk book 27... i still can't remember where i misplaced it... it's juz missing from the series of slam dunk i collected) anyway, saw many ppl making last minute christmas shopping... finally, went home... didn't take lunch, dunno y, but juz dun feel like eating lor... den went home le... yesterday nite they went orchard, den when they returned home, everyone in the hse was sleeping le... but i juz went 2 sleep, and the bad news was that my old injury, at my right foot, was bothering me again... really painful that i couldn't fall asleep... but anyway the good news was that becoz i didn't fall asleep, i knew that they were back, so went 2 open door 4 them lor... den the pain still bothered me, for nearly half an hour, lying on the floor, couldn't sleep lor...

christmas liao... about 1 more week left 2 slack, b4 the start of jc life... still thinking of the subject combi and the cca 2 choose... haizzz, decisions and more decisions.... isn't really sure if i can handle the combi of 2 maths, physics and computing... i tink my foundation of physics is kinda shaky... like some topics i learnt in sec 3 this year oso forgot le... some stuff like moments i still dun really understand completely... den computing... wad i know about computers is only the games i played, so... kinda pathetic lah... finally, F Maths.... not that i dun like maths, but i haven't even understand relative velocity really well, so i fear that my foundation is not solid enough... choosing cca is even worse, ncc dun really help much in jc, so... i guess i'll juz settle somewhere ba... juz 2 get past the 2 years...

PS: if u wanna ask me sth, pls dun sms me, coz my phone no money liao, and i got no money 2 top up... and i mean ZERO... totally not a single cent left in my savings, except for the 'untouchables'.... so, u can email (i check my mailbox everytime i online), write in the doodle-board, or can call my hse number... but if it's juz sth u wanna tell me about, u can still sms me... sorry for any inconvenience caused... oh ya, merry christmas to all reading this now!!

this afternoon went 2 watch de movie, 'kung fu hustle'... went wif antartica (excluding ty)... the movie was nice, and as expected, really funny... well, wad else can we expect from stephen chow? went home after the movie, found out that my bro went over to my 2nd aunt's hse 2 stay overnite... that's a good news, coz no one will compete 4 de use of com wif me... however, when there's good news, usually bad news comes along... now the bad news is that some relatives from m'sia are coming over 2nite... kind of bad, becoz of some reasons... firstly, besides my mother, de other relatives from my mother's side i haf in s'pore are my 2nd aunt and 3rd aunt, and i can say that my hse is the lousiest of the three, so it's kinda not very nice for them 2 come over here... secondly, as tourists, obviously they dun come here wif the intention 2 watch tv at my hse, instead they shld be going around, and guess wad? my mother and i dun really like 2 walk around for this kind of stuff, so it will be damn boring for us to bring them around to those places of interest... thirdly, i'm not really that familiar wif them, so it will be quite boring for them too... to say de truth, i dun even remember them at all =X finally, naturally they come here, they haf 2 sleep... so i believe they dun bring their familiar mattresses or beds, and so, i haf 2 be the 'ting zhang' (direct translation: leader of living room... kinda sounds nice hor? =X ) 2nite liao...

haizzz, y muz good news come wif bad news one!!! sian ah!! 'shen ah! jiu jiu wo ba!!' (direct translation: god ah! help me!!)

a couple of days passed... it's closer to the end of december, meaning closer to the starting of jc life... life remains boring, wanting to read some books, but when u r lazy 2 even walk out of ur hse, and wan 2 read books, u will juz search thru the piles of old books at home... well, that's wad i did... re-read the series of slam dunk comics i have, for the hundredth time perhaps, coz my hse not much comics to choose from, so been re-reading slam dunk all the while... oso, re-read a chinese book (bought in sec 2 i tink, required by the sch one) called 'kong ? de xin' (paiseh, my hanyu pinyin sux big time, so i dunno the pinyin for the 2nd word) anyway, the direct translation of the title is 'empty heart'... anyway, the book juz talks about moral values here and there... sent out christmas greetings couple of days ago... the greetings available are kind of lousy, but i juz take the one which i tink is the best of the lousy ones... oso dl couple of songs couple of days ago... for fun, typed in 'bing bian' to search, and to my surprise, this song is available... so dl it for fun, found out that it isn't really considered a very good song, or mayb a good song, but it's kinda fun to listen to... btw, 'bing bian' is a song by kang kang, the taiwanese comedian... oso, yesterday went to cut hair, and finally, i finished FF8!!! the omega weapon was damn tough man...

ok, utopia is coming to an end of the current age, and beginning of a new one, meaning everything will be reset... my kingdom is in war, but it seems like it's getting nowhere le, coz at the beginning of war everyone was so enthu about it, and now, everyone's watching a free drama in our kingdom... ok, mayb not everyone, but i am... a member of the kingdom, A is recommending (oso can say is forcing) B, another person, to be king for next age, and C, our current king is not really happy about it... B claims himself to be a old player wif lots of experience, and is talking about his kingdom rules, and his 'ambition' of bringing the kingdom to the honours top... and A is saying that if B is not elected, he will quit the kingdom... C then says B is betraying him, says that he himself has burdens, working and schooling at the same time, so can't log on to the game so often... and now the members of the kingdom are taking sides, while i'm watching all these... but wad i'm thinking is that utopia is juz a game, so can we finish this freaking war we have 1st? yes, the king has to be a good one, but eventually it's still everyone in the kingdom who's making the kingdom work efficiently... anyway, if they wanna continue the drama i oso dun care, since the age is ending... i juz continue my job, which is to weaken the opposing kingdom...

going out later, guess i'll end it here...

friday got back posting results... so it will be anderson jc for 1st 3 months for me... actually went ben's hse to see the results, den went to jy's hse... kind of rare that antarctica all went... it was mahjong, time crisis 3, metal slug, maple story for us.... next day went mac for breakfast, den all went home... reached home at around 8 plus, den slept to 2 plus, despite the fact that i had slept earlier at jy's hse 4 about 4 hrs le... at nite, watched 'liu lou hou zuo' (sixth floor rear block)... actually i had the intention 2 juz pass time as it seemed to be the best show among the lousy shows... it turned out to be quite a nice show, the only bad thing is that i watched it from halfway, so didn't quite get de full picture... hopefully it will be shown again in the near future... sunday was a total boring day, although in the morning i watched channel u 'feng mian ren wu' where the guest celebrity of the day was 'zhang wei jian'... kind of lucky that i managed to catch de show coz he was one of my fav actors... den the rest of the day was total boredom... even watched the repeat of the star awards... den at nite played FF8, trying to rush to finish it coz i plan to finish it before 2005...

haizzz, let's end this here... i oso haf nth more 2 blog about le... this is wad u will get if u haf a boring life...

death... in one of my 1st few entries, i tink i have talked about death already, so i see no point 2 talk about it again... however, that links me to another thing: memories... everyone has memories, no matter it's good or bad... wad are memories for? to remember stuff? or like wad mr tan teck poh said b4, it's to put 'markers' in ur mind so that u won't commit the same mistakes again? i feel that memories are something like an indication... an indication that a person is still alive... for all we know, after death, we may juz shut-down like computers, becoming numb, mind becoming totally blank... something like going into a sleep wif no dreams, and no one will be able to wake u up... if memories is something like this, den i guess so are feelings too... now, we are able to be happy, sad, angry, frustrated and so on... after death, in the eternal sleep, we may not be able to feel anything at all le... becoming something wif no feeling at all, unable to tink, no longer able to be angry, sad, or even happy... so i guess next time when u wanna forget something bad, or really angry at something or someone, be thankful that u are still alive and still able to have these stuff, coz they cannot be taken for granted, when many others around the world at our age have already lost these stuff....

had wanted to plan something for the class on thurs, which is tml... however, due to too much uncertainties, the plan was aborted... really couldn't believe that the stress still exist within me after the whole chalet thing... thought that the stress will be gone after the chalet, but instead, it's within me, waiting for the next time for it 2 bother me again... but mayb the plan was a good thing, as it made me realise about this stress, and the good thing now is that i have decided to return to my old self, and u, yes u, the one reading this thing right now, will not be able to understand the amount of stress released from me, and it's really a great feeling to return to a... hmmm, can't find a good word for it... mayb a nobody? anyway, being chairman for the last few months in anderson was both good and bad for me... good thing is that i could talk 2 all the ppl in the class, if not, i guess i would not have known more about this great class i had... however, the bad thing is the responsibility and stress that comes along wif it... in the past, only thought that chairman is an easy job to do, only need 2 see teachers, take class key, do admin work... but it was after i became one when i realised how tough it was to be one... wif great powers come great responsibility, i tink this is true, although i tink it's only half true for me (coz i tink i never had any great powers b4, lol) something i never experienced b4 becoming the chairman, even in montfort pri, where i was the prefect, i belonged to the 'outlaw' types... at that time, prefects need 2 wear ties, indicating that they are prefects, but we, the 'outlaw' types, refuse to wear ties, and so oftenly we juz go around wif no tie on, only when stuff like prefect photos were taken when we went to search for our ties, usually at the deep bottoms of our sch bags... and so, to all leaders reading this now, i salute u all~~

star awards had passed long time liao, 3 days le, and kind of surprised at some results... but anyway, it's over le, so talking about it oso won't change anything... oso, congrats to vincent ng and jeanette aw for winning the top 10 most popular male and female artistes... singapore defeated laos 6-2 a couple of days ago, but the defence was really lousy... i was actually hoping for laos to score more as the result didn't reflect how lousy the defence was... if singapore win cambodia 2nite, then singapore will be through to the semi-finals, but if the defence dun improve, i believe they won't advance past the semi-finals...

was tinking of wad 2 do 2day, when gl sms me 2 ask me whether i wanna go play soccer anot... of coz i said yes, if not i will be rotting at home le... anyway, it rained yet again... we really should check the weather forecast 1st b4 we arrange any soccer games next time... after the rain, we den started playing... keeper for the day, but yipeng was the impressive one 2day yet again... he really becoming real strong sia... 2day i conceded quite a few goals, including one nutmeg by a girl... (okok, i know ben has been waiting 4 me 2 write this on my blog) anyway, i guess all these sum up 2day...

yesterday watched the game between singapore and indonesia... much more interesting than the previous game of vietnam vs singapore, but i still wonder how agu casmir managed 2 not score from close range and why itimi dickson decided 2 cross to indra when he can go all the way... oso read in the newspapers that sylvester sim will be the 2nd special guest of jolin at her concert tml... (1st was huang yida) kind of surprised me, but i guess this can be a good way 2 promote him 2 the chinese music industry, especially 2 that in taiwan...

nothing more 2 blog le, let's end it here....

hmmm, 9 dec... about 22 days left for december... really nothing 2 do at home, except staring at the computer screen or the tv screen... final fantasy has reached its most boring part, the training part... the main problem is that besides squall (the main character), the other characters' levels are simply too low!!! now that quistis has oso reached lvl 100, and rinoa at lvl 98, that leaves zell, irvine and selphie... but, only zell has passed the halfway mark, at lvl 52, and irvine and selphie are only juz lvl 44 and 47!!! haizzz, still have tons of training 2 do... guess i still need at least a week to get all six to lvl 100... no life ah!!! =X

tuesday, cousin came over to stay over for the nite... coz my aunt and family went m'sia to visit relatives, and my cousin, not wanting 2 skip her choir practices and some church stuff, stayed behind in singapore... the reason of she staying over here is still unknown, mayb only 2 me ba... heard that coz her mother wants her 2 take her meals here, coz less MSG, and oso heard that she afraid 2 stay at home alone, and other reasons lah... but which is the correct one i oso dunno... in the end, i was the one 2 give up my bed for her and became the one who would sleep on the floor... actually sleep didn't quite matter 2 me as i planned, coz i was planning 2 watch the soccer game of arsenal and rosenborg at 3.35am, but in the end, i woke up at 3.30am, only to switch off the noisy alarm, b4 going back to sleep.... anyway, she went home yesterday afternoon, so my bed was returned to me yesterday... tuesday oso watched the soccer game of singapore vs vietnam... it's boring, real boring, but i have 2 admit that that header goal of vietnam is really stunning... i'm still wondering how that player managed to twist his body like that... anyway, overall it's still classified as the 2nd most boring game i ever watched in recent years, second to the game of juventus vs ac milan two years ago in the champions league finals...

yesterday missed amazing race yet again... actually part of it lah... i have been barely catching this season of amazing race, missed the whole episode 2 weeks ago, part of it last week and part of it yesterday... two days ago oso banged my ear into the door... dun ask me why, coz i oso dunno how i can manage to bang into a door... anyway my ear's a bit swollen now, i tink, and it still hurts... didn't realise that ears can be hurt one, b4 that incident... mayb it's becoz no one will hurt their ears, only me, in some freak incident...

nothing much 2 blog about liao, back to no life in final fantasy le....

had planned 2 blog these stuff yesterday, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, fell sick yesterday, had diarrhoea and flu and cough... in out in out of toilets are totally torturing and the medication knocked me out, although i had barely woke up for 3 hours... den woke up later to find myself not in a state of mind 2 think about wad 2 blog, so didn't blog at all yesterday...

anyway, yesterday was planning 2 blog about the past weekend... saturday, went 2 airport early in the morning 2 send justin off... who knows, that may juz be the last time i'll be meeting him for my life... but as someone always tells me, think about 'why not?'... hmmm, ya hor, why can't we meet again? well, i guess if fate calls for it, den we'll meet again someday b4 the end of our lives... anyway, since his flight was so early, we ended up leaving early... was deciding where 2 go, 1st decided 2 go tampines, den changed to bugis... and so, me, ccy, lau, loh, qch, ant and cw went 2 bugis... juz walked around, although i dunno where we were going (partly becoz i was reading new paper), and den decided 2 go sim lim square... as usual, sim lim square was packed wif ppl, but computers are really not my kind of stuff, so i juz waited outside the shops wif cw and ant while the others went into shops 2 check on the computer stuff... after that, me, cw and ant went for lunch at BK, while the others left, as they still had 2 go for their jobs later on... at BK, while we were queuing up, a guy in front of us dropped 2 cups of milo when he was attempting 2 lift up his completely full tray... and so, a 'pool' of milo was formed in front of us, and a few drops of milo splattered onto me... but actually this was too bad, as compared 2 the lady next to that guy, whose left feet was almost completely wet... anyway, we den ordered our food, and den started eating... as a slow eater, i ended up last one who finished eating... partly becoz ty wasn't there... (juz joking... no offense hor, ty) den we talked about our anderson life... about some interesting stuff about our 3rd and 4th years at anderson... won't go into these in details... anyway, after that we all went home... while we were walking towards the mrt, saw david yeo... for those who dunno who's david yeo, he's juz one of the singapore idol contestants... anyway, he juz walked quickly past, and i dunno if cw or ant noticed or not, or mayb they dun watch singapore idol one, so even if they saw oso won't know...

sunday, went to yishun early in the morning... soccer game against last year's sec 4s... went to field, only 2 find one goal post missing, so decided 2 go 2 the other field... as there was a game going on, we waited for their game 2 end b4 starting ours... a high tempo game, and the oppositon was really strong... our defence could barely hold their attacks... finally, i oso not sure about the final score, but ben, who went 2 watch the game, said it was 10-1... anyway it's somewhere close to that... our only goal was scored by ty...

totally no fitness at all... wonder how i managed to get past in the game for all these years wif my 'san jiao mao' (direct translation: three leg cat) skills... soccer can be said to be the main sports i have played since young, but after all these years, i realised that i actually didn't learn much from all these years... in matches, i often ended up lost, not knowing wad 2 do next... been finding the suitable position for myself, but ended up as a jack of all trades, master of none... the word 'versatile', as wad i see from the dictionary, has 2 meanings, 1st is 'to be able to do different things competently', and 2nd is 'to have many uses'... considered versatile as a good trait, like solari of real madrid, who's able 2 play in different roles, but plays well in wad he's asked to play... so he shld belongs to the 1st group of versatile... me? mayb 2nd group, but definitely not in the 1st one... competent is not de word for me... keeper? a good keeper muz have 4Cs and 1D... have confidence, commitment, courage, consistency and be decisive, and i barely have those... defender? mayb the slightly better side of me, but wif no strength and pace, attacking players can easily brush past me... midfielder? i failed my 2.4km run last year, and barely passed this year... midfielders are the engines of the team becoz they need 2 run the most and have great stamina and fitness... striker? scoring goals and the determination to score goals are a must for strikers, but i already dun have the dribbling skills 2 get past defenders in the 1st place... mayb i'm juz not cut out for the game, juz struggling everytime i play...

watched a bit of news yesterday, saw that taufik got 62% of the votes during the finals of singapore idol, while sylvester only got 38%... thought that they would have a close fight, but in the end taufik won by quite a big margin... anyway, star awards 2004 is coming this sunday, double 12, which is oso the day of arsenal vs chelsea... jeanette aw is nominated for best actress award again, but her chance of winning is not really high, coz she has to 'battle' against the other nominees, who can be considered as 'ah jies'... but anyway, good luck to jeanette and chelsea for the battle on double 12...

PS: 1900-112-8025 is the number to call for star awards... support jeanette...

singapore idol had finally passed... after so many weeks and months, taufik batisah is crowned our very 1st singapore idol... yesterday's show was not too bad, overall it was actually quite good... there was period of network jam-up? (wad's that word again? dunno lah, technical words are not 4 me) but i guess they shld have expected this kind of stuff 2 happen, when tons of die-hard fans will try 2 vote as much as possible during a short 2-hour time... anyway i believe that till now ppl will still continue 2 debate over whether taufik or sylvester shld be the singapore idol, and i won't want 2 join in this debate... i juz support good music, not any particular singer... if it has 2 be like this, den there's nothing we can do or say about...

well, war has ended.... my king, deciding that there was no way we can turn things around, decided to surrender... if u look at our kingdom affairs, for every attack our kingdom made, the other made about 3-4 attacks at ours... so it's like a ratio of 1:4... anyway the war has ended, the kingdom is in the process of rebuilding... i guess the war was ended too sudden, and the some ppl in the kingdom are not really happy becoz they feel that the war can still carry on...

really nothing 2 blog about... although ben gave me a topic about whether time can fade (i oso can't tink of other better words other fade, coz ben told me in chinese, which is pretty hard 2 translate) everything... i guess like wad he said, time can make ppl forget most of the things, but some stuff cannot be forgotten so easily... anyway, i'm not in the right mood 2 tink, dissect and figure out about this topic, so let's juz leave it as it is...