53 unread email... (although 95% of them have nth to do wif me)

this is wad results from 1 wk staying in...

all of a sudden, the mood and atmosphere at the company line, in the bunk, becomes rather solemn and sad... and all of a sudden, i've become restless, frustrated, and yet disillusioned at the same time..

and at this particular time, i'm interrupted halfway by my comp which decides to restart several times by itself b4 finally starting up after i open the cpu casing, though i did nth to the interior... for some reason my comp enjoys being opened up..

company line life is getting tougher and tougher... unreasonable rules coming in, and the inflow of ppl isnt exactly on par wif the ppl going out... each day i'm juz hoping for it to pass faster, so that my time here will pass faster...

but still i cant explain the cause of my disillusion, frustration and restlessness... is it due to de numerous tasks that are stacking up faster than they are done? is it due to the fact that we can be scolded or punished that easily for nth much? is it due to the fact that ppl can be so scheming and try all their ways to push their own responsibilites to the others? is it due to the fact that honest ppl get all the shit piled up onto them juz becoz they are 'stupid' to not siam or throw the responsibilites? is it due to the change in lifestyle? is it due to my swollen finger still not recovering after like 1 month? mayb it's due to the sad book i'm reading now? or is it juz due to all these summed up?

after a whole wk in camp, i was looking forward to de weekends, but as the weekends come, i realise i really am not looking forward to anything in particular coz i got nth planned at all.. perhaps i shld haf gone out tonight... but i'm juz so tired...

nowadays i'm juz so tired the whole day that every nite i fall asleep almost immediately...

maybe i need someone to talk to b4 i suffocate... but maybe i dun need to talk, coz it'll only make me feel more and more disillusioned, frustrated, restless, and probably hopeless...