many ppl often say i think too much.. even me myself oso think of that too (though i duno if i'm influenced by others)

i always wanted to know why i think so much.. up-bringing? sent to this world packaged with the genes?

i think i finally understand why... it's rather impossible not to think so much in this family where u (or rather i ) need to think and guess how the other members think and feel..

i wonder if this is de reason why i want to take up psychology as a major in university.. i nvr knew why i want.. i always see it as an innate interest, but i could have very well stumbled upon a sub-conscious reason (which totally could be wrong)

i'm alrdy on 2 paths of no return, and i'm sensing i'm edging towards the 3rd one.. i duno the way away.. i need directions..

on a lighter note, and yea i know i'm kinda late and slow.. but JUNO IS TOTALLY COOL

all the characters are juz way cool.. juno is a totally kick-ass girl with a great attitude, and i feel her parents are damn great... though funny that u dun see them getting all freaked out when they knew that their 16-year-old daughter is pregnant (becoz u juz see these freaked-out parents in common and normal dramas), u can see they do care, and care alot abt her... father, typical out-of-de-force army guy, doesnt get too emo or mushy, but do care and always is there for her.. step-mum, fun to see her n juno bickering, and den u see her helping juno altering her clothes as juno becomes bigger, u noe she sees juno as her own..

not difficult to see why it's a multiple award-winning/nominated and one of the various 'Top 10 Films of 2007'..

driving instructor: "我看你还是很犹豫不决, 好像没有把握"
me: "我知道"
my brain: "always am"


"if a person doesnt have a sense of achievement in their real life it's easier to lose themselves in the virtual world where they can get a false sense of accomplishment"
-- Leonard, The Big Bang Theory

mayb i'm trying too hard...

sophiscation, nonchalance and focus dun seem to be de way...

perhaps having a bad memory does have its plus points.. ppl often say 'time heals all wounds' doesnt work at all, but mayb it does for me, since time washes my memories inevitably, regardless making it faint or simply erasing it..

in my opinion, 'the big bang theory' started out okay only but as i watch on i simply got hooked to it.. laughing at the lives and behaviour of these so-called 'nerds' and 'geeks' seems to be a new trend in television nowadays.. but thinking abt it, mayb i'm laughing at a mirror...

a couple of clips from the big bang theory..










i shld probably juz stop thinking so much and caring so much..

jobless?
yes



rotting at home?
yes



simply get by each day with no purpose and w/o achieving anything?
yes



wants a job damn badly?
erm.......





i know i shld be getting a job... i know continuing this lifestyle is stupid.. i know having high expectations (or simply said, being picky) may still be alright at de beginning, but now isnt really THE 'beginning' anymore...


true, i did have my panic times when everyone else seems to have a job liao and then i simply applied for all possible jobs (okay, not ALL jobs, but all admin jobs).. but nowadays, de sendings aren't that frequent and numerous liao.. but mainly it isnt becoz i dun wanna to apply... some listings are those that juz always pop up and u know either de job needs and gets so many ppl (but juz dun contact u) or it's juz a faker.. de rest i do apply, but i dun juz spam as suggested by the others, but i do pause and think and consider if de 'cons' will discourage me anot.. though this may sounds logical, it juz doesnt seem a right move for someone who's supposed to be desperate for a job..


most of de time de comparisons of pros and cons are very simple.. it's always..

"freedom VS salary/working attire/high chance of de need to go to agency for interview first/the so-called duties i needa do etc etc"

and sometimes freedom does pose a strong stand.. so i duno wad's up with myself.. have i gotten used to this rotting-at-home-with-videos lifestyle? or simply i dun dare to venture out?


and a recent decision/action i took isnt exactly helping much either.. was it done on an impulse? or simply becoz i juz cant choose the right decision? i have tried to convince myself that it shld turn out right, that i would adjust to the change of focus soon enough.. "i did have a similar experience for like, 9 weeks?" was my thought... but den again, wad's 9 weeks compared to like, 14 years? so simply, put me alone in a shopping quest will most likely turn out disastrous, proven many times accurately...