2nd last day of october... but actually now is last day liao lah, after 12 liao... 2 days (1 day) more to the opening day of the big O... hasn't been really revising ever since school ended, has been following a one-paper-a-day policy... but it seems that there are still quite a few left... i know a couple of ppl have started their run already, and i'm still resting here, still blogging while others are mugging... nvm, tml is the day to start my catch up le...

listening to 93.3 FM now... it seems that being a dj is really very good sia... juz have a good voice, and then can chit-chat with the listeners, watch soccer on tv, and listen to the good songs... nice sia, too bad my voice too lousy le =( if not i oso go be dj liao. never heard this dj b4, but he really not bad, quite a good sense of humour, too bad he only works during some weekends...

it's not that i dun wan 2 plan the stuff, but i really not familiar in this kind of stuff and i really dunno how or wad 2 start with... haizzz, it's not that i dun wan 2 do this for the class, but... i know excuses are of no use right now, but i'll try my best to make it happen... but after some thinking, think i'll juz excuse myself after the thing is really done... all these planning, asking and doing have juz really tired me out... whether it's physically or mentally, i'm simply tired out... i'm really not sure if i do go if the thing is set up, will i enjoy and have fun? or simply have no energy at all, instead of having fun with the others, end up dampening their moods? i really dunno, but to prevent the latter, i guess i juz excuse myself... for those reading this but dunno wad this means, i believe u muz be thinking wad an useless chap i am.... i guess so... mayb it's my fault that i didn't push the job and responsibility away when they were presented to me in the very first place and when i knew very well that i couldn't handle it.... and i shouldn't have dragged it for so long, until this very last moment when it's the revision period and i should not bother others to help me during their revision time.... but i juz cannot disappoint the class... i juz have 2 make it happen one way or the other...

anyway, guess this is my last entry b4 the O's le... my next one shld be during the O le ba, during the break... anyway, good luck to all the ppl out there who'll be tackling O Levels starting next week, and oso, happy halloween!!

2day... guest starring... mr aw chee yao!


I really do not know a lot of things, some of them I apparently do not have the need to know. Others I no longer wish to know. There are a few things I need to say.

Firstly to Hueysun,
I apologise to you for not believing in you when there were accusations about you saying things behind my back. My failure to clear things up with you just made it worse. With this misconception that you were a hypocrite, I said many things that are not pleasant to the ear. This is thoroughly my fault for not believing in someone I know for 2 years. I sincerely apologise to you again. As for the various accusations made against me recently, my reason is as stated above, it is all because of the misconception. If you do not believe me, I can fully understand. After all, I was the one who believed in lies against you some months ago.

Secondly to Jianxuan,
I do not know why you lied to me about Hueysun in the first place, but I have no desire to know the reason now. On the night you confessed, you said I got you into big trouble. At that time, I was still very shocked by your confession. After thinking about the incident, I still could not think of any logical reasons for your lies. With regard to the accusations you made against me, my reason is still the same. (Refer to top)

I am very glad for the trust my close friends placed in me. For this, I express my utmost gratitude. As for others who do not know me well, I hope that you listen to both sides of the story before giving judgement.

Yours sincerely,
ACY

7 days... 1 week to the start of the 'O' Levels... (okok, guanlong and cheeyao, i know it's 8 more days for u 2) anyway, have not been eating apples recently, so fell sick, and went to doctor 2day... wad a time to fall sick! the big 'O's coming up, and now then fall sick... last time went to the doctor was in sec 2, and thought that that would be the last time i would see a doctor in my secondary school life... however, the fight i put up was futile, and have to go to the doctor again... a total waste of money and time... my mother could have juz given me the money instead of using it to pay the doctor, and the time spent could easily used to do an emaths paper 2 or complete a couple of missions in my final fantasy tactics....

haizzz, dunno wad 2 blog next... have a splitting headache now... guess i catch some sleep later ba... tml still haf physics practical... good luck to all!

are u scared of death? i thought of this question quite long ago, so since i got nothing else 2 blog 2day, so make it the theme of 2day's entry... wad's death? death means the end of life, but is there life after death? do u become spirit? now, u can feel, hear, see and do every other things... but wad about after that? after life ends? will u become like a computer, where death is juz a shutdown, except that it's an external shutdown? u will not be able to see, hear, feel and not able to reach into those memories which u have been gathering in ur brain or heart.... but how 2 explain those supernatural and paranormal stuff? frankly speaking, i'm really fearful of death... the thought of the complete shutdown, not able to access those happy memories which i often reach to when i feel down, not being able to communicate anymore, and that i cannot finish or start wad i always wanted to... i simply juz dun wan 2 die like these, leave with tons of regrets... but my accident earlier this year made me realise that even only sheer carelessness can cause death... life is ever so vulnerable, u never know wad's gonna happen next week, tomorrow, the next min, or even the next second... so guess we juz have to do wad we really want to do as soon as we can... if not it will juz be too late....

after yesterday's 1 hour-plus of blogging, 2day has come to the point where i really dunno wad 2 blog... so..... erm.... let's juz end here ba....

4 years... 1457 days... been an andersonian for almost 1457 days... 2day was the farewell day, and already sort of missing secondary school life now... made some great frens here, met some great teachers here, and life here was never really that bad at all... this entry is sort of a recollection of my 4 years in anderson.... some moments that are really unforgettable...

sec 1... knew no one, was the only one from montfort... first lesson, mrs lawrence (form teacher) asked pupils to introduce themselves, then called on another person 2 introduce himself/herself... thought no one would call on me, coz no one knew me, but the unfortunate thing happened... that girl is from china (hongmei) and as she scanned through the class, she saw me, and called on me... guess wad she called me? 'that boy at that corner...' while pointing at me... -_-" damn unlucky man... anyway, made a couple of good frens later into the year... namely choon yuan, zhihao, cason, anthony(we even met b4 school started, when buying uniforms, when our mothers started chatting) and so on... but really was quite a loner, went home alone, did most stuff alone, and didn't quite open up, juz went home immediately after school, like a typical nerd -_-.... teachers weren't too bad... but guess no student from 1/1 (2001) can forget the 'standing on chair as punishment for being too noisy' by mrs ashari... mrs lawrence, our form teacher, being our literature teacher, hence seldom saw us each week, was ok, but could be better if she had met up with us more each week, eg being our eng teacher... oso joined the 1/1 class soccer team, first time playing 11 vs 11 match, although i juz can't remember how i joined the team le.... campfire wasn't too bad, juz that it rained halfway thru our performance, so had to move to hall, and re-perform... didn't win anything though...

sec 2... mr tay became our form teacher, aka our chinese teacher for the second year running... more soccer matches with other classes, more frens made, more opened.... so many 'more' in 2nd year at anderson... oso first performance at anderson in sec 2... PDS performance at cca open house... went quite smoothly, so our efforts in the holidays were not wasted... new frens, include chee yao, tin yau and ben... knew them more when went to National Camp with them... only 4 of us from anderson sec 2 ncc... okok, i know u all gonna call me weakling liao, coz i got situations everyday at the camp... 1st was sick, then blister, then wanna puke, and so on lah... okok, i admit defeat, i weakling =X chong ming was another good fren made... went home together with him almost everyday... coz we live quite near, and we both ncc, so even on ncc days oso can go home together... opened up more in sec 2, especially in 2nd semester... vincent would never fail 2 make the comment 'weisheng is totally a changed person'... remembered we changed seats quite a number of times that year, but sorry guys, i juz can't remember i was at the same table with who that year... paiseh!!!

sec 3... chose double science, (coz 3 sciences can drive me nuts), chose history over literature, coz my literature really weak... entered 3/1... anthony, cason, choonyuan and hongmei were the ones other than me from 2/1 (2002)... the rest i only recognized those from ncc, while the others... i either never see them b4 in my 1st 2 years, or i saw them b4, but dunno them... a really fragmented class, and the different groups were very obvious... sure, i was a 3/1ian, but i often went to 3/2 class everyday to chat with qingyi and cheeyao, together with ben... form teacher was mdm neo, but she didn't do anything at all to bond the class together, not that good a leader she was... had a couple of good and bad teachers.... mr tan, the strict maths teacher, was pretty much hated by many in the class... miss zaleha and mdm neo were... erm... let's juz say their teaching methods dun suit me... mr lim yu kee, a good physics teacher, made me really interested in physics, but a pity 2003 was his last year at anderson, so he didn't follow us up to sec 4... mr kwok, eng teacher, had his own way of teaching, making his lessons interesting... but the target for us is oso really 'interesting'... distinction for all... wad the hell, my best eng grade is only B... anyway, made quite a few new frens, namely aizat, jinyang, justin, yunsheng, imam, arizki and so on.... oso became fren with guanlong and allan, though not classmate at all in anderson, but soccer makes up for that... oso unexpectedly had a 'sister'... none other than meisee... same class for sec 1 and 2, but really became frens when we went to different classes... still remember got one time when i had 2 borrow geog stuff from her to do our geog holiday assignment coz i didn't bring mine home... really helpful, considerate and so on... she has all of wad it takes to be a good 'sister'...

sec 4... mr neo became our form teacher... mr tan, miss zaleha, mr kwok, mr ng followed up with us... got new geog teacher, mrs lim... really special but effective methods of teaching she has... she has been teaching for years, but she never seems to be bored of geog at all... a absolutely great teacher, and i won't forget that 'nature, once it's gone, it's gone forever....' mr yu. new physics teacher, making lame jokes every lesson... our class became united, for apparantly no reason, but simply juz bonded... had several outings, sentosa trip, mac dinner after sports day and so on... mr neo wanted a change of chairman and vice-chair every term, and at the voting for new chairman for term 3, i foolishly called out aizat's name, but instead got sabo by him, and then became chairman... -_-" always feel that i'm much more lousy than my predecessors, too indecisive and no leadership at all... made more frens thru soccer, eg winglok, cunzheng, saiful and so on... joined antartica oso... cheeyao, our king... ben, the lamer and mian lover... guanlong, maths and soccer pro, my chatter on msn... qingyi, our communist, ever so interested in marxism... kang, the next albert einstein of s'pore, oso first singaporean to get nobel prize, ever so interested in physics... tinyau, the one interested in life values, 'ren shen dao li'.... really opened up this year, became the 1st lame guy in class, cracking lame jokes and making lame comments now and then, and soon the class was infected too... but recently juz can't lame anymore liao, so juz leave it to the others, i guess... had a motorcycle accident this year... but suffered only minor injuries, but really glad that i have many frens who ask me if i was ok that time, no matter is sms, msn or face-2-face, really great to have u guys as my frens...

woah, this entry getting very very long le, guess i gonna stop liao... 4 years passed like this, all but now juz memories left... no matter u have regrets, sadness, or wadever stuff like that during these 4 years, leave them behind in anderson as u leave... but dun forget to gather all the happiness and great memories u have gained these 4 years, and take them with u along on your journey to the future...

1457 days... some stuff which i juz can't find the courage to do during such a long time will eventually juz become some of my regrets.... let's juz hope that these regrets won't hit me too hard... wad's gone is gone with the wind... no point remaining sad for these stuff, juz have to get on with life...

this morning realised that i almost did a thing that would make me regret for the rest of my life... wad the hell was i thinking about yesterday? why did i wait till the last moment, with only 15 min left, to then tell them? i could have easily told them yesterday, instead of the rushing and worrying 2day.... if only i wasn't so concerned about gaming yesterday and saw the bad thing earlier....

speaking of regrets, sort of realised that regrets kind of make up our lives... nobody has no regret all their lives, but it's often that point of time when u look back, thinking of the dumb decisions u had made, and ponder about many 'wad if'... wad if i had made another decision, will the impact be lesser? wad if i had told that person that thing or another thing, will it change wad he/she will think of me? wad if i had not remained silent and spoke up, will the situation be different today? wad if..... there are too many 'wad if' in this world... there's no way to prevent or stop regrets, but can only minimize them... mayb the important thing is 2 follow ur heart, do wad u think is right, and strongly believe in wad u do, instead of wishy-washy making any available decision, and then regretting it in the future....

tml is the farewell assembly, aka our last day at anderson... mayb it's a time to gather all your good memories during ur 4 years in anderson, meet up with all the frens u have made during these 4 years at anderson and leave with all the positive things... why bother to make your life miserable? think positive! =)

went to sch in de morning, juz to see the notice about the details of the chemistry practical tml... was about 2 leave, but a couple of ppl came to class, for their group study, so joined along... suddenly realised that anderson life is ending le, so this kind of group study with the classmates will be ending soon le... sad it is, but it's inevitable... life is juz like a story. u are de main character, and other supporting characters come into ur story, and then leave when it's time for new characters 2 come in... often wish that secondary school life can repeat, but it will never be the case...

always feel an urge for serious gaming during exam periods... always cannot find games to play during normal times, but during exam periods games keep popping out... first it was Pokemon Ruby at prep prelims, now it's worse, 2 games at a time, Harvest Moon and Final Fantasy Tactics... (dun say i no childhood, but i really never played these b4 mah) guess the only way is to 'work hard, play hard'...

smile... it's a natural technique implanted into everyone of us when we are born.. each and everyone of us has smiled b4, the smile when we are really happy, from the bottom of our hearts... but how come it's ever so different and difficult for me to smile in front of a camera?? my face will be either =( or =l... someone told me b4 to juz try to smile... huh?? won't that look weird? or artificial? dunno lah, smiling naturally is always the best.... =)

to anyone in s'pore reading this, if u happen 2 have time every week, from monday to friday, between 9pm and 10pm, u can support channel 8's latest show, The Champion...

was watching tvmobile on bus back home from school, and came to a part where andy lau was introducing his latest movie... de theme of the movie was about a type of love, a love which he felt that if everyone has, then there will be world peace... it's the love when u worry for others... then a question popped up... will u rather die before or after ur loved one, in particular ur wife/husband? when u are with ur loved one, it's inevitable that one will go b4 the other, the 'gone' is often the case of death... so when u are dying, or when u know u got some incurable disease, do u worry about ur loved one? whether or not she will be able to endure the agony? or whether can he/she continue to face this harsh world alone, without ur company by his/her side? so if u really say u care about ur loved one, and that u prefer to die after him/her, wad else can others say? say that u are a selfish person, because u want a longer life, that u even wish to outlive ur loved one? selfish or care? it's juz a fine line in between, and only u urself know which side u are on....

found out another bad trait in me... too stubborn and irresponsible at times... juz because being frustrated, or mayb it's juz can't be bothered, become stubborn and make irresponsible actions and remarks... y did i have that thought? thinking back, it's really irresponsible... if it only affects me alone then i dun care, but in fact it affects many many ppl... haizzz, sometimes can be juz so stubborn (even my mother sometimes oso says that i'm as stubborn as a bull)

indecisiveness seems 2 be one very annoying weakness, and i'm one of the unlucky ones 2 have it... it simply wastes time and effort, when all it takes is mayb merely juz 1 sec to make the decision, but instead spending 1 hour when no decision made...

s'pore has 16 junior colleges (excluding innova coming up next year), while it has... erm... many secondary schools (dunno the actual figure) so with less choices, naturally it seems that i will have a easier time choosing a jc than a secondary sch... but, it doesn't come true... it merely took me less than 1 min to decide to come to anderson, but for the past few days i have been thinking of choosing which jc, and i still have not come 2 a conclusion... problematic... =(

stress and pressure are quite similar, and i dun refer to the 'force divided by surface area' that pressure... they are a must, coz they are the main source of motivation for most ppl... but too much will burden the person... so wad's better? a less stressful or more stressful environment? 1st, let's start with causes of stress... some external factors include pressure with ur peers, family, so on and so on... but sometimes stress comes from within, when u are pressured by yourself to compete with the ppl around u... the stress can oso come from the influence of the atmosphere around u... an example includes when everyone around u has good grades (eg. all at least 6A1), while u only have at most 2A1, then u will be stressed by yourself to match the others...

the question above leads to another question... so is a so-called 'better school' really that better than a so-called 'lousier school'? well, it's pretty subjective to classify which schools are better or lousier... but i think that everyone is different, thus the need for many different schools to cater to the different needs of different ppl... so no school is really classified as 'better' or 'not that good', and although it's true that the school plays a part in educating u, i believe the most important factor is still yourself, whether u are able to be responsible and sensible enough to realise that u are the one controlling your own fate, not others, not even God...

i really dunno, but mayb i really have bad taste... well, from wad i normally wear, design, draw and maybe even eat, i guess i juz have bad taste... but as ben often points out, 'ren ge you she' (direct translation: everyone has his/her own tongue) so mayb my tongue is really very different from the others', and most probably my tongue sux.. -_-

some chemical reactions are reversible, but is change reversible? can u change your personality from one to another, and then back to the original one? a good question which i cannot answer... it seems as though i have changed over these 4 years, but is it possible for me to change back to my old self? the ever silent one, who observes more than talking, instead of the one now, who oftens talks too much, but mostly crap, and now sees less things from less points of view....

results... juz a source of troubles, nothing more... are results that important in the world? 'life's significance does not depend on its duration, but on whether it is worth living.' but i really dun believe that results determine if our lives are worth living... relationships with other ppl, how 2 be a better person and stuff like these are sure way way more important than a couple of figures...

decisions... in life we make decisions everyday, in fact every minute... where to go for lunch? wad to have for lunch? or even the simplest 'yes' or 'no' is decision making... however, decisions often seem 2 be one of the hardest things for me to do... even a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer can leave me stunned for a couple of minutes, uncertain of which 2 choose... wad can be inferred from this? that i'm a really weak person? needing others 2 decide my fate for me? i seriously dunno... (mayb i'm really that weak, can't even find a description for this)

a quote from a comic series "slam dunk" which i often read... it's the scene when a team which had never qualified for the national tournament, going against the 3-times champions (Sannoh)... 'everyone begins to take for granted that Sannoh will definitely win... every team, juz becoz its opponent is Sannoh, will feel an enormous pressure... but, compared to the pressure Sannoh faces when it is not even allowed to lose, Sannoh's opponent's stress will be nothing...'

PS: please dun ask me for any explanation for wad i typed in my entries... these are juz a couple of stuff which i juz feel like typing out and i dun really see the need 2 explain it.... paiseh (sorry) for any inconvenience caused...

PS's PS: i really won't explain anything one, even if u do the submission hold on me...

change... is change a good thing? some ppl believe so, but others beg to differ. being the one standing out 2 lead the others, and someone who stay in the crowd, waiting 2 be led by a leader... in simple terms, they are the 'leaders' and 'followers'... in this world, there are born leaders and followers, but can ppl from the first group change to the kind of ppl from group 2? and vice versa? to be the one talking out to the ppl, or be the one watching and listening silently?

someone said this to me, "at this stage of life (secondary school), boys tend 2 be uncertain of their futures, more than girls do... instead, girls look more forward to their future jc lives... so boys tend 2 grab a girl and settle down now..." true? or juz crap? i seriously dunno... although i'm oso uncertain of my future, but i tink i'm more of can't be bothered and ignorant than really feeling scared and fearful of the future... can't be bothered is becoz wanted to settle all of 'O's first b4 deciding anything... ignorant is becoz i dunno a single thing about tertiary education at all... wad subject combinations? jc's reputation? jc's rankings? who cares! wad i only know is that jc is the choice u want if u wanna go uni.

life in anderson is coming closer and closer 2 the end... a phrase from HCJC's presentation 2day is something about 'everlasting friendship'... let's see how my friendship with my friends now can last... i have lost all contacts of my primary school friends now, with the exception of chinping, and weiloong... so how many secondary sch contacts can stay in the future? that's really an unknown....

one may ask me, y bother 2 start only now? it's supposed 2 be studying time, not blogging time. others would be busy studying, not reading ur blog... well, mayb partly due 2 the boring times online, so juz find something to do... oso can say that i need something 2 say out wad is in the mind...

y lone wolf? dunno... mayb i'm a loner? or mayb i'm a 'wolf', as in the 'se lang', direct translation: colour wolf, as ben pointed that out when i first adopted the nick 'lone wolf' (if my hanyu pinyin wrong dun blame me, i sux at it) someone told me b4 that wolves always hang around in packs, so no chance of any lonely wolf... i guess i have found my 'pack' le, but m i no longer the 'lone wolf'? a qn which i can't answer... mayb the 'lone wolf' doesn't refer to me being lonely, but me in my own world at times....

memories... in chinese we always say keep ur secret things in ur heart, while in science we say memories are stored in brain... so will ever this 'brain' or 'heart' be filled 2 its maximum capacity one day? and will then the 'memories' or 'stuff u have been keeping in ur heart' be replaced by new ones? memories can't be erased and that's true...

recently hit by an impact, an impact that is so similar, similar 2 the one i had quite long ago (note: i'm not been in another road accident) hit me kind of more serious this time round... but really dun understand y... y it hit me so hard?

anyway first time blogging, so very very simple, juz something for me to speak out something that was locked up in my 'heart' or 'brain'


even if it's true, i have neither right nor ability 2 fight with him over her.....