Post Exam Woes

It had not been a great week since the end of exams last fri. So much negativity has been going on through my head that it feels much longer than a week since i left school 9 days back. Feel like I gonna explode if I don't find a way to release/vent all these negativity away.

It's funny how I felt a sense of loss after the words "Stop writing" boomed through the speakers in the exam hall. Perfectly placed right at the back of hall, I could see/sense the joy and excitement in the people in front of me. Maybe it's just a case of sour grapes, and just the same old story. No friends? Too bad for me. I suppose I've been too fortunate to be in groups and cliques in the past, which just compounds the loneliness these days. Ironic isn't it? The "lone wolf" complaining of loneliness.

Watched some movies this week, coincidentally three of those were about superheroes.

It's easy to notice that the common thing with most superheroes is the masks they wear. What's the rationale for that? Various reasons could include they want to protect their loved ones from being targeted by their enemies (Spiderman example), or they want to uphold justice not for fame and glory but just on the basis of doing it (or claim to do so). So basically they have stuff to hide.

I once told someone (I can't remember who) before that "almost everyone wears a mask", and if I remember correctly the reply was "wah you being emo ah". I thought at the time that it was an odd reply, because it's a fact (or so I think). I wasn't lamenting about some social disgrace. As a matter of fact, I can safely say that I often wear one myself too. Perhaps the existence of this blog proves that already. If I'm not wrong, I already commented before here that no ordinary friend would want to hear you 掏心掏肺, unless you are that close to that person. I've earned the nickname of "Scarecrow" apparently because of my lack of emotions. Even Doc Manhattan has emotions, and as proven by some heart-wrenching scenes from the dramas I watched this week, I can again safely (and redundantly) conclude that I do have emotions. It's just that I hide my emotions because I find myself easily succumbing to 掏心掏肺 and also because most of the times I do not know how to react in human interactions.

Speaking of dramas I've watched, I've re-finished "Pride" for the third or fourth time, and I've finished "Karei naru Ichizoku" too. Pride I've watched before, so the storyline wasn't that big of a surprise for me, though the 感人 parts were still 感人. Karei naru Ichizoku was a great show, and a pity it came 3 years late. I've been watching Takuyu Kimura's dramas and when Karei came out in 2007, I thought it wouldn't be interesting plot compared to the other dramas like "Good Luck", "Pride" and "Engine", so I just skipped it. It turned out to have a very interesting plot of corporate backstabbing, politics, family conflicts, and dark secrets. The last episode was simply epic. Totally heart-wrenching and the ending is just nice.

The week was mainly a 宅男 lifestyle, though football was included yesterday. Sadly, with high expectations come high disappointment, and that was certainly the case yesterday. Of course I could have come up with many excuses, like "I wasn't used to the court" or "My shoes is so worn out that it's so slippery", but those would not mask the true reason that "Simply, I sux".


Chris Waddle once commented that Theo Walcott has no 'football brain', which I find pretty absurd, but seriously, these so-called "footballer pundits" are pretty sad cases, because they are only left with their past reputations, and their mouths to make the comments (and make accurate ones or absurd ones to get them on headlines). But I could really make use of a 'football brain'. It's quite shocking to find that after 10 years of playing, I never really understood the game. It seems as though I pass through each game with a blank mind, not knowing what to do, where to move to. Tomorrow will be another chance to make amendments, and to continue to try to prove if hard work can overcome the lack of talent.

Quotes of the week:

"Humans are weak creatures. They will find simple excuses to run away. They hate it when they lose the first time, but when they lose the second, third time, the feeling becomes fainter and fainter. In the end, 'Just try your best' and 'It doesn't matter to lose' become the first thought for consideration." -- Pride Episode 11

"Once you figure out what a joke everything is, being the Comedian's the only thing that makes sense" -- Watchmen

"原来我是个不该被生下来的人" -- Karei naru Ichizoku Episode 10

"Seek to express, not to impress" -- someone I can't remember who

"this term is applied to individuals who prefer solitude, or who work alone. In literature, the term is used to establish a character as aloof and emotionally unable or unwilling to directly interact with other characters in the story. A stereotypical lone wolf will be dark or serious in personality; he is often taciturn, and will distinguish himself through his reserved nature." -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lone_wolf_(trait)