kinda feel weird these couple of days...

life juz feels.......

empty

nth much seems to interest me nowadays... computer games that usually stick me to my seat last time all seem boring now... but to tink of it again, i dun usually haf much to do oso...

wad haf i been thinking? perhaps thinking of having a good weekends after a week in army... but most of de time weekends are spent in front of com, internet explorer on but duno which webby to go... perhaps this is de reason y my posts haf been coming more frequently... maybe i shld move out of this seat and find sth more worthwhile to do ba... maybe can be like ben, solo movies... havent been to de movies last 3 or 4 wks, largely due to guard duty... missed so many i wanna watch, but juz dun haf de motivation to go alone to watch...

bored of this life...

this wk is de last wk of my course... a wk of disappointment, anger, helplessness... but i'm not sure if there's a bit of enlightenment involved oso... oh ya, mayb there was a case of 8000 involved too..

masks... human beings live wif masks i guess... u nvr noe if de guy in front of u who's chatting and smiling at u is actually scolding u in his heart... u nvr noe if he's showing his true self, or he's juz being tactful... wed that juz passed was guard duty no. 3 for me... it could haf been an epic battle, btwn B1 and de rest of de world... things could juz turn foul juz 1 day b4 graduation... however in de end, it suddenly became B1 vs The One... juz becoz The One was being very very direct, and saying stuff we dun tink we'll say it, although we feel it... in de end, not only did de rest of de ppl besides The One nvr ruin relationship wif B1 ppl, de rest of de ppl even continued to chat wif them... so i hafta say ppl really live wif masks on, if not all ppl, den most... mayb i'm one of them too...

next is one of de reasons for my anger... wad i dun understand is how some ppl can be juz so inconsiderate... 3 egs to showcase... firstly, a couple of days back, when i was clearing plate after meal, de guy in front of me had 2 empty bowls plus some leftover food on his plate... and wad he did was simple... he simply overturned his plate above de rubbish bin.. ie de 2 bowls and de food juz fell into de bin... and he doesnt care and left to put his plate in de sink, wif de 2 bowls in de bin... secondly, at de end of guard duty, one guy realised there are some food dropped on de table, and he noe is who dropped it de, coz that guy was de only one who ate it... however, when that guy was told to clear up, he juz sit there and stare blankly into space, ignoring the person... thirdly, back to B1... the ppl there are juz kings, a term i use to call them when i talk wif others... they always take their time, while de rest of de platoon is waiting for them... it's as if they are superior than us, but i duno for wad reason they feel that way...

these are cases where i juz dun understand how some ppl can be so inconsiderate and so selfish... they are simply de reasons y de others are implicated, and de reason y communism will nvr nvr work in de human beings' world...

and so my life at SI ended on thurs.. as usual, i dun like this kinda changes... juz when i get to noe more ppl, including those outside my bunk, i lost contact wif them now again... but anyway, it had been a enjoyable and interesting life at SI.. my CS and CC were great ppl, and de platoon was fun too..

next stop in army, and i guess de last stop: HQ 2 SIB, sig coy... today my first day there, but i dun quite like there... things are like damn strict down there, plus we kinda felt a bit cheated that we dun do wad we learnt in SI, like our days in SI were wasted... but on hindsight, perhaps it's due to de experience in SI that may haf led to this feeling now... perhaps if i haf gone there instead of SI right after tekong i may feel differently... but my other fren in another coy of de same camp said that actually sig coy is considered slack le, so i oso not too sure abt it now... anyway i hafta stay there for 18 more months, so i guess i juz hafta adapt to there... enjoy oso stay there, miserable oso stay there...

speaking of de 8000 thing, it was juz that one of my bunkmate from SI asked another guy if he tio 6million in toto, will he continue to work? becoz according to calculations, and estimating if we haf another 60 years to live, we will get around 8000 bucks a month becoz of de prize money... that's quite a lot, i commented.. but they 2 say actually it isnt really a lot... coz a boss or wad can easily earn it... den they say accountant can oso earn quite a bit, but during peak season de workload of accountants are very very heavy, whereby they dun need to slp liao, juz keep calculating.. that kinda made me tink twice and tink if i really wan be one... but den again which job doesnt haf its workload... so this is de part of de 8000...

and so, this is a wk of possibly disappointment, anger, helplessness, 8000 and enlightenment..

back from guard duty...

sentry is real boring.. practically stand at one spot waiting for 2 hrs to tick past... de only plus pt of sentry compared to prowler is that de sweat for sentry is substantially lesser, however the major drawback is de slow passing of time...

but doing sentry gets to listen to radio.. listened to 933 whole day, but weekend programmes aint really that nice compared to weekday ones... but better than nth i suppose, especially during the 12am to 2am shift where a dj was having some call-in sessions n was chatting wif a couple of ppl who called in, which is not bad as it's a break from continuous playing of songs...

but a big big annoying thing that irritates me is those mosquitoes... juz one day of standing there, i accumulated at least 15 mosquito bites, n this is no exaggerated figure, considering almost all my fingers got bitten, and quite a few on my palms... this doesnt really add to de pleasure of being a sentry..

4 more days till graduation.. de sergeants keep reminding us that life as trainees is much much much better than life in units... but i guess we oso cant do much abt it ba... being de lowest class means this kind of life i suppose.. but den again, there may be some gd vocations too... duno la, but i guess i'll miss life at SI.. changes are juz inevitable, n like me, many ppl dun like changes, but we juz hafta deal wif it... 习惯就ok? mayb...

deathly hallows is de ending book, but somehow i juz feel it's not a really well-done ending book... decent perhaps, but not excellent... de way voldermort was defeated was..... fast? and as mentioned by my bunkmate, de deathly hallows, despite being de title of de book, didnt really haf a big role to play in de book... harry didnt combine them or wad, n de elder wand simply juz defies voldermort n backfires... perhaps i feel this way coz de book mainly answers many unanswered qns of de previous books and so there isnt much new stuff, apart from de hallows thingy...

pg 148: "stood Pettigrew, more than.... , flushed with pleasure at his inclusion in this coolest of gangs, with the much admired rebels that James and Sirius had been."

ytd tot of having sth to look forward to for today, but it didnt work out in de end i guess...

ok.... we're supposed to have only 1 weekend and 1 weekday guard duty de.... so suay sia... tio the suay 11 that had to do an extra weekend... damn sian now.. today book out den need book in again... and the worse thing is, initially there are 3 guys, including me, from my bunk who tio tml's guard duty... but den.... 1 guy got sth on tml, sth personal, so he managed to 'swap' wif another person... den the other guy got switched to today's guard duty, de reason is rather complicated so i shall not elaborate much...

so i guess i'm de sole person left in my bunk to do guard duty... and de prob is i'm not 'shou' at all wif ppl from other bunks... sian sia.... plus now so tired, really feel like sleeping le, but cant go back camp early to slp, coz still need to ask the other 10 ppl wad time they wanna wake up tml, and i dun suppose they'll book in this early, given that de book-in timing is rather late, 2330..

been having bad nights this wk at camp... oso duno y cant fall asleep immediately... need to wait wait wait damn long b4 falling asleeping, for eg last nite i only managed to fall asleep at 12 plus, n i started lying on my bed at 11.30pm...

shall start preparing to go back camp liao... next time...

rather late now, but still gotta make a quick entry over here, coz not really much time available this weekend... to complete 8 modules over a weekend isnt exactly easy task...

suay suay tio another guard duty next saturday... duno wad job to do though... sentry seems tough to pass time, prowlers seems tiring, counter could never be my job...

parents out of country this weekend, so everything is quite ownself settle kind of thing... a couple of days back, heard a convo in de bunk... 1 guy was saying sth abt when he goes home every book-out, he juz leaves his bag on de flooor and his mother or grandma will help me settle everything, ie wash everything... after saying this, he added the sentence 'but i'm no pampered kid'... another guy in de bunk was quite shocked at this sentence... he feels that de first guy shldnt feel like there's nth wrong abt letting his mother/grandma settle everything... although i quite agree wif de 2nd guy, i did try to def de first guy by saying stuff like 'mayb he's comparing himself wif those rich pampering kids wif maids' or 'he's de only son out of de 4 children, so mayb he got slightly better treatment'....

but i guess all these defending are probably due to me receiving abt de same treatment oso... most of de time i dun really do much too... it's only 2day when i took de laundry to wash that i realised i had quite a substantial amt of laundry...

after hearing de convo mentioned earlier, a 3rd guy in de bunk, bed opposite to mine, said four words '有就珍惜', ie treasure if u haf... his parents are divorced so i suppose he had some thoughts regarding de convo... this makes me realise de importance of not taking things for granted, coz not everyone has de same stuff... i suppose i shld wash my laundry every book out...

perhaps it's time now to mend some stuff that shld haf been mended long time ago, or shldnt haf broken that time...

how long m i still going to juz think abt it? but i simply fear losing it all........