last wk had been no-need-go-back-camp week... sometimes de lack of stuff to do oso bore ppl out... been thru some thinkings de last few days oso...
de day b4 went back to de first and only workplace in my life, and met a couple of my colleagues there too... however i juz moved around quickly to avoid them, as i cant face de awkward-ness to face them again.. 8 months ago, on my last day of work, i stepped out of there very sure of 1 thing, which is to go back and find my ex-colleagues again, coz they haf taught me a lot, and haf been good to me.. i haf always tot i'll return 1 day, saying "ζεζ₯δΊ" to them... however, as usual, wad i do nvr go according to wad i plan, as i was hastily moving away once i saw anyone familiar... wad a disgrace, u muz be thinking now...
perhaps i'm juz not used to this kinda stuff ba... i quite believe that one's childhood has a rather deep impact on one's growth and future... my family has always been a very conservative one, or mayb even worse? perhaps it's due to de no. of males in my family? perhaps it's due to 1 particular male? there could be a lot of perhaps... i've grown up in an environment where we nvr talk abt love, or rather, nvr seen anything abt it... perhaps simply said, i've grown up in a warzone...
i'm reading a book by Nora Roberts now, called "Chesapeake Blue".. main character is Seth Quinn, who had a terrible first 10 years in his life due to his birth mother, but when he was 10 yrs old he was adopted (or rather his mother sold him) by his grandfather, Ray Quinn... he then joined a very very warm family with 3 other sons Ray adopted and after that Seth became a famous artist in Europe, b4 deciding to go back to join his family becoz he misses them... however, although he leaves the past at a far far corner of his mind, his past, de first 10 yrs of his life, still haunts him, and it wasnt helped when his birth mother, knowing that he's back from Europe, decided to blackmail him in exchange for not bothering his family...
i guess some ppl are juz like Seth... we haf stuff in de far far corner of our minds, which we really hope we can forget, we can be indifferent to it, we can juz bury it by other stuff in our lives... but it juz nvr fails to come out of its grave... as a child, living in this 'warzone', i had always been fearful when de 2 adults of de family start to 'talk' to each other at increasing volume... when young, separation and divorce had been a rather unthinkable prospect for me... of coz, that has changed as i grow older, with me welcoming de prospect as a matter of fact.. (for those who have been following this blog real real long may noe abt this several months back) and of coz, that prospect didnt materialise as a result so i couldnt really say much oso...
but perhaps since then when several months back de prospect was so near yet so far, i have been telling myself to be indifferent to this relationship... since i haf no say, i might as well leave the thing to they two, they can do anything abt it w/o me... however the fear from childhood, de fear of hearing these 2 talking at the top of their lungs still spooks and haunts me till this time, when i'm a few months away to being 20 years old...
perhaps a phrase i heard in the channel 8, 7pm show, is quite true... one's maturity has nth to do with one's age... someone who's 30 yrs old can still be childish and naive, whereas someone who's 15 yrs old, but been thru alot, can be very mature or wad we say, there's an old man living in his heart... i've yet to been thru a lot in life, and i feel i'm still not mature in many areas in life... social interaction, being initiative, ability to handle everything when alone, and alot more are still lacking...
a few days back, i was sort of 'reminded' of my responsibilities and role as de eldest son in de family... no, i'm born with neither a golden nor silver spoon in my mouth... a lot hafta depend on me in de future... perhaps this has been increased when we see de sole breadwinner of de family can sit at home for more than 1 month, i believe going to be 2 months, juz watch tv, eat and slp, and simply juz dun wan to work... he may have his reasons, but simply, i juz dun care... as a man, as a father, as a husband, i believe u haf ur responsibilities as well... there's no reason y u juz dun work when u still haf 2 kids in sch, 1 wife who's taking on everything, from doing housework to working at home to earn that meagre pay, and u juz, what? slack at home, contributing nth to de family... fast fowarding time, perhaps 2 years later, i may be regretting my decision of not taking up a scholarship for uni ba.... but i juz hope i can scrap past de 3 yrs in uni and juz come out to this 'harsh' society, as i've heard many times this word abt de society..
ytd sort of played in a soccer match on field... nvr played on field for duno how long liao... i made a substitute appearance, around 20 min, made a couple of foul throws, touched a couple of balls here n there, and there goes de final whistle to signal de end of de game... although i always make jokes abt why i'm not given a starter role and jokingly 'complains' abt lack of playing time, i hafta concede that i noe that i'm not really a player good enough to start... i guess i juz hafta work harder when we play in NY and continue to improve to become good enough to start in future (although i dun really see that in near future =X )
and no, i'm not going to let all these things bother me in any way... i'm striving to be a comedian remember? seriously i really enjoy being one who can make others laugh, simply becoz i'm one who laughs and smiles quite easily =) seeing others laughing becoz of my comical, dumb actions/comments is quite a satisfaction to me... if u haf 1 life, and u can choose to live it ur way, y not make it a fun n happy one? although tinyau says no one calls themself a cockster de, but i'm proud to call myself one =)
de day b4 went back to de first and only workplace in my life, and met a couple of my colleagues there too... however i juz moved around quickly to avoid them, as i cant face de awkward-ness to face them again.. 8 months ago, on my last day of work, i stepped out of there very sure of 1 thing, which is to go back and find my ex-colleagues again, coz they haf taught me a lot, and haf been good to me.. i haf always tot i'll return 1 day, saying "ζεζ₯δΊ" to them... however, as usual, wad i do nvr go according to wad i plan, as i was hastily moving away once i saw anyone familiar... wad a disgrace, u muz be thinking now...
perhaps i'm juz not used to this kinda stuff ba... i quite believe that one's childhood has a rather deep impact on one's growth and future... my family has always been a very conservative one, or mayb even worse? perhaps it's due to de no. of males in my family? perhaps it's due to 1 particular male? there could be a lot of perhaps... i've grown up in an environment where we nvr talk abt love, or rather, nvr seen anything abt it... perhaps simply said, i've grown up in a warzone...
i'm reading a book by Nora Roberts now, called "Chesapeake Blue".. main character is Seth Quinn, who had a terrible first 10 years in his life due to his birth mother, but when he was 10 yrs old he was adopted (or rather his mother sold him) by his grandfather, Ray Quinn... he then joined a very very warm family with 3 other sons Ray adopted and after that Seth became a famous artist in Europe, b4 deciding to go back to join his family becoz he misses them... however, although he leaves the past at a far far corner of his mind, his past, de first 10 yrs of his life, still haunts him, and it wasnt helped when his birth mother, knowing that he's back from Europe, decided to blackmail him in exchange for not bothering his family...
i guess some ppl are juz like Seth... we haf stuff in de far far corner of our minds, which we really hope we can forget, we can be indifferent to it, we can juz bury it by other stuff in our lives... but it juz nvr fails to come out of its grave... as a child, living in this 'warzone', i had always been fearful when de 2 adults of de family start to 'talk' to each other at increasing volume... when young, separation and divorce had been a rather unthinkable prospect for me... of coz, that has changed as i grow older, with me welcoming de prospect as a matter of fact.. (for those who have been following this blog real real long may noe abt this several months back) and of coz, that prospect didnt materialise as a result so i couldnt really say much oso...
but perhaps since then when several months back de prospect was so near yet so far, i have been telling myself to be indifferent to this relationship... since i haf no say, i might as well leave the thing to they two, they can do anything abt it w/o me... however the fear from childhood, de fear of hearing these 2 talking at the top of their lungs still spooks and haunts me till this time, when i'm a few months away to being 20 years old...
perhaps a phrase i heard in the channel 8, 7pm show, is quite true... one's maturity has nth to do with one's age... someone who's 30 yrs old can still be childish and naive, whereas someone who's 15 yrs old, but been thru alot, can be very mature or wad we say, there's an old man living in his heart... i've yet to been thru a lot in life, and i feel i'm still not mature in many areas in life... social interaction, being initiative, ability to handle everything when alone, and alot more are still lacking...
a few days back, i was sort of 'reminded' of my responsibilities and role as de eldest son in de family... no, i'm born with neither a golden nor silver spoon in my mouth... a lot hafta depend on me in de future... perhaps this has been increased when we see de sole breadwinner of de family can sit at home for more than 1 month, i believe going to be 2 months, juz watch tv, eat and slp, and simply juz dun wan to work... he may have his reasons, but simply, i juz dun care... as a man, as a father, as a husband, i believe u haf ur responsibilities as well... there's no reason y u juz dun work when u still haf 2 kids in sch, 1 wife who's taking on everything, from doing housework to working at home to earn that meagre pay, and u juz, what? slack at home, contributing nth to de family... fast fowarding time, perhaps 2 years later, i may be regretting my decision of not taking up a scholarship for uni ba.... but i juz hope i can scrap past de 3 yrs in uni and juz come out to this 'harsh' society, as i've heard many times this word abt de society..
ytd sort of played in a soccer match on field... nvr played on field for duno how long liao... i made a substitute appearance, around 20 min, made a couple of foul throws, touched a couple of balls here n there, and there goes de final whistle to signal de end of de game... although i always make jokes abt why i'm not given a starter role and jokingly 'complains' abt lack of playing time, i hafta concede that i noe that i'm not really a player good enough to start... i guess i juz hafta work harder when we play in NY and continue to improve to become good enough to start in future (although i dun really see that in near future =X )
and no, i'm not going to let all these things bother me in any way... i'm striving to be a comedian remember? seriously i really enjoy being one who can make others laugh, simply becoz i'm one who laughs and smiles quite easily =) seeing others laughing becoz of my comical, dumb actions/comments is quite a satisfaction to me... if u haf 1 life, and u can choose to live it ur way, y not make it a fun n happy one? although tinyau says no one calls themself a cockster de, but i'm proud to call myself one =)
posted by lonewolf at 10:27 AM
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